Thursday, August 14, 2014

To Every Thing There Is A Season…

Hi friends,

This may get a little rambly, emotional and philosophical.

This morning, my son said to me, “I’m going for a run Mom, like you.” Those few words stopped me in my tracks in a good way. I was so happy that I was doing something good for myself and influencing him in a positive way. I have never really been fit and I have been very lazy. I used to be very skinny but even then, I wasn’t fit. A while ago, I changed my mindset. I can’t pinpoint the exact cause and it has been a gradual process and I am still not where I want to be but I decided to do something for myself. I needed time to myself and the best way to get that is by taking time to work out. I want my family to be proud of me but I want to be proud of me.

I have been thinking about my life lately and where I am, where I came from and the ideas that I had in my head of how my life would be. In my youth, as is the case with most young people, I arrogantly thought I could control every aspect of how my live would play out. Ha ha ha ha ha. I can laugh at myself now. Some things are exactly what I wanted and some are not.

Firstly, I do not live in the country where I was born and spent the first 18 years of my life. It is very hard to move away from friends and family when you are at the junction of childhood and adolescence and adulthood. I am fortunate to still be friends with many of my high school buddies but those relationships have also changed. I am closer to people that I may not have been very close to in high school and vice versa. Similar circumstances bring us together, marriage, kids, life experiences have a way of creating bonds.

Right now, I am writing as my two little monkeys play around me. I have to pause often, to break up a fight or play a game or soothe a boo boo but I am lucky that I have this time to express myself. It is very funny how your priorities change as your life does. I always had goals- finish school, get a job, buy a home, get engaged, get married and all of that happened. Then, baby # 1 and baby #2 came along. We hoped and dreamt of them so we were ecstatic to have them. However, I no longer had the drive or desire to focus on the career I was in. I didn’t want to deal with the petty politics, the travel, the long hours and the stress so I gave it up after baby #2. I also gave up my income. That still is a big adjustment for me. I have always had my “own” money. Now, Baby Daddy brings home the bacon, I freelance but that is inconsistent and I cannot rely on that right now as a regular source of income. But, frustrating as it is, I LOVE spending my days with my little ones. I am privileged that I can do that right now. I get to see them go through all of their stages, although I wish I could skip the challenging ones.

So for today, I will remind myself to appreciate what I have and be grateful for my life. After all, I could be stuck in some gross airport, waiting on yet another delayed flight with a chauvinist boss breathing down my neck. I’ll take the snotty noses and snuggles from my boy and my girl instead.


Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Opting out/leaning back from overscheduling the kids.

Hi friends,

This morning I read a blog post on banishing the playdate from DadNCharge. He wrote about how parents tend to overdo things. I agree and I am guilty of this as well. This summer, I am taking a different approach to my kids’ activities, especially since I am home fulltime with the two of them. Noah starts fulltime JK in September and I really wanted him to just be a schedule free kid this summer. I had to step back and opt out of some activities because I realised we have been overscheduling him a little. He was getting aggravated and tired and didn’t want to go to activities and we were always rushing to get to an activity on time. I was constantly having to plan, schedule, rush and arrange childcare or someone to help when Baby Daddy had to travel for work. Not pleasant at all.

Despite my efforts to have a free range summer, we still have Noah enrolled in a half hour tennis class that he takes with his Dad on Saturday mornings. This is mostly as a result of the tennis brainwashing that comes from my husband (and family).  The baby doesn’t have anything going on. She busy growing.

I don’t know how many chances I will have to spend summer days with my kids and I want to suck out every moment of enjoyment that I can. I am keeping to bedtime and mealtime schedules (mostly) but we are having a lot of days where were have no plans and just go with the flow. We have fallen into a pseudo routine. We have breakfast, they play, I try to work, they have lunch, I clean up, baby has a nap and Noah gets screen time, I try to work, the baby wakes up, we have snack time outside, we play in the backyard/go to the splash pad, then it is dinnertime, bath and bed. Of course there are still meltdowns and refusals to eat (by the 4year old) but for the most part, we are enjoying ourselves.

I’m sad to say but I can already see the end of the summer. The Boy will start school and I will probably need to find a more steady income so we are not relying 100% on Baby Daddy’s salary. In the meantime, I’m going to avoid anything that will harsh out my summer and squeeze my babies as much as possible.

PJ day/wreck the house in record time day.


Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Working on finding balance.

Hi friends!

I’m still on my CrossFit high. I usually do the 6am class but Baby Daddy is travelling so I have to do the evening classes. Scheduling childcare so I ca workout when he is travelling is a fulltime job. I had to make a spreadsheet. I’m giving myself some props though, in the past I would have just missed the classes and vegged out when the kids when to bed. I don’t want to give in to 100% laziness. I don’t want to go back to feeling crappy and I pay so much for my membership so I don’t want to miss classes.

Today I took the kids to a picnic in the park. They were more interested in playing than eating, it was good to chat with some of my mom friends. Baby Daddy has not even been gone 24 hours and we miss him madly. Noah was playing a game and stopped playing because he wanted to finish it when his Dad got home. The look on his face broke my heart when I reminded him that Daddy wasn’t going to be home tonight. Poor monkey. Julia got so excited when we face timed with Baby Daddy. She kept saying “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” over and over. The way these kids love their Dad makes me giddy.

I’m going through my new Paleo cookbook to meal plan for next week. If I don’t plan out the meals, I make poor choices. I get so hungry after my workouts, I don’t want to eat crap because I’m delusional from hunger. I think I’m going to prep some slow cooker meals. I love my slow cooker. It’s a lifesaver. I’m getting hungry again now.

I have to do a run tomorrow. I’m on week 6 of my training program. Yesterday I ran 2 10 minute stretches. 6 weeks ago, I wanted to die after running 1 minute. 5k is the goal (without dying). Ok, I’m going to sign off now. I’ve blabbed on enough and my legs are aching from today’s workout.

My monkeys at the park.




Monday, July 7, 2014

Call a spade a spade.

Hi friends,

Lots of ranting and non-PG language today.
As I get older, I noticed that I have less patience with people and their BS.  I want to give in to my anger and call out people when they are being asses but the rules of manners and good behaviour ask us to step back, calm down and then react, calmly. CALM. I’m really starting to hate that word. I would love to say screw that and just tell people off. In my case, this step back technique has the opposite effect. I stew and over analyse and get even angrier. Unhealthy, I know but I have a hard time letting things go. I try to forgive but I never forget, ask my husband.
I can be overly sensitive and emotional and I expect too much from people. I let my brain run away from me and place too much importance on silly things. I have acknowledged this and I try to rise above it. Do men suffer these emotions? I wish I can pick up some skills from my husband. He can lets things slide off his back while I want to kick people in the throat (I only kick people in my daydreams). The one thing I absolutely HATE is the excuse, “person x is just being person x.” No, if person x is doing and saying asinine things, person x is an ass.
The other thing that drives me nuts is people giving their opinions they have no relevant experience to the situation. I am sure I have been guilty of this and will probably still judge (as a first instinct) when I should not. Parents experience this daily when people who do not have kids give input when they should shut up.
One of the internet’s tips to dealing with anger is to write. So there, I wrote it. This is has been one of the most negative things I have put out there but I am not sorry. At least in this moment, I am not. I do feel a little better. I’m going to be silly with my babies now. That usually cures a bad mood.

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Living a busy life and I am a procrastinator.

Hi friends,
I am making a renewed effort to blog more. I need an outlet and the interweb wins as my release mechanism. I think I last posted about 5 months ago so what has changed? Well, I did not go back to work fulltime after my maternity leave was over. Currently I am a fulltime stay at home Mom and part time contract/freelance worker. Very freelance and very contract-ty i.e. not really brining in any bacon but I cook up what Baby Daddy brings in. It is very scary, relying on one income. And surprise, surprise, as many of you know, it can be very frustrating to be a fulltime Mom, especially now that Noah is at home for the summer before stating JK in September. I cannot see myself going back into the corporate world right now though. I would prefer not to deal with the stress and lack of compassion. I remember crying and not being able to sleep when I went back to work after having Noah. It got worse when I got pregnant with Julia. But, my experience is unique to me, I just was not happy in that situation. I am happy being at home right now and I do not exactly feel like the grass is greener on the other side but there are some days I would love a lunch break or a bathroom break or just a few minutes of sanity.
I also made a resolution to be more selfish this year. I realised that I have a need to be like and I always want to please others but this year I am focusing more on my family and me, really. It’s hard, I still want to go out of my way to do things and be liked but I am working on letting that go. I am very sensitive, sometimes overly so and I still get offended or feel slighted when someone does not include me or my family. The problem is mine though, I need to just let things go and realise that the value I place on someone may not be reciprocated. C’est la vie!
What else have I been working on? As part of my Be Selfish Campaign, I have started to get more serious about my health. I started doing CrossFit as well as a running program and try to attend yoga at least once a week. I officially enrolled in CrossFit in May and stated the running program 5 weeks ago. CrossFit is hard but I am keeping at it. The best feeling is right after the workout is over, I am usually bone tired and out of breath but I love knowing that the torture is over. About 5 minutes after that, I have an energy spike and get really happy. My body is usually exhausted but my mind is usually racing. Running is another story. I have never been a runner. I tried and failed twice to be a runner but I am still at it so far. I am so slow. I think most people can walk faster than I run but I see improvements. I am up to running for 30-36 minutes with 8 minute running sections, alternating with walking. Really more like 16 minutes of running total by the time you factor in 5 minutes of walking to warm up and cool down plus the walking break in between the runs. I think I hurt more after running than CrossFit. I feel my age after every run (light jog).
The biggest challenge for me with the whole get healthy project is eating. I try to eat healthy but if I do not plan, I make bad decisions. I am trying to do mostly Paleo cooking/eating but there are times when I do indulge, maybe a little too much. My next challenge is to be stricter with my eating. I need to cut out crap and snack better.
I talked A LOT about myself this time. The kiddlets are great. Surprising me and making me so happy every day. I cannot believe my baby boy is 4 and my baby girls is 1 ½. I want to freeze time this summer so we can savour every bit of sunshine. But like Noah said today, winter is fun to because we can make snowmen. Love his optimism!
Ok, I have rambled on enough. I am going to endeavour to write more. I need it!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The Food Warden aka Mommy aka Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom…

Hi friends,

At this exact moment in my life, I feel like The Food Warden. My days seem to centre around other people’s food requirements. I shop for food, I prepare food, I try to get my offspring to ingest an acceptable amount of food, I clean a ridiculous amount of food from the floor, furniture, myself, them, then I have to deal with the after effect (diaper changes and potty breaks) and I have to start the cycle all over again. I understand of Sisyphus felt. The ironic thing is that I often forget about feeding myself. Most days, I do not get to sit down until the baby’s nap time and that’s when I need to take care of work stuff and other household chores. At that point I usually realize that I have not eaten. I have good intentions, I either make myself something and forget about it or assemble the ingredients but get distracted.

I have forgotten what it is like to consume an entire meal without being interrupted and while that meal is still at the right temperature. Someone ALWAYS needs something. Even if I end up eating dinner after the kids go to bed, I am usually rushing because something always needs my attention. I am so looking forward to the day when both kids can feed themselves. Please tell me that day will come! Until then, I will eat when I can. You would think from the amount of meals I miss that I would be size 0. Alas, that is not the case.

I'm done, now what?

This is where I put food for throwing at Mom. 

I ate some things but not the same things I ate yesterday, Tomorrow I will mix it up by refusing to eat something I said I loved today.


Thursday, January 23, 2014

I Belieb...

Hi friends,
I have been totally slacking on posting but it took Bieber to get me back (unfortunately). I have never been a fan and quite frankly the little punk annoys me. I know I’m showing my age with that last statement but he inspired me to rant. I feel like I can predict exactly what is going to happen based on all of his shenanigans to date. I really believe he has been allowed to run wild and grow a man sized ego for his boy sized maturity because he is a paycheck. A lot of people make a lot of money off him. However, this does not or should not account for his overblown sense of entitlement. I feel like he has been allowed to become out of control because his story will be more interesting and it will allow his team to manufacture a more compelling story than “overgrown child who had peaked at 19.” I am sure the Justin “cover his ass” team is working nonstop to spin the next chapter. Here is how I think it will all go down:
  1. Justin goes to rehab- exhaustion, alcohol abuse etc.
  2. Justin flies under the radar for an appropriate period of time. 6 weeks?
  3. Justin is apologetic, remorseful even. At least in public.
  4. Justin has renewed his belief in god. He may even get a few new religious tattoos, be spotted leaving church with his mom, grandparents, dad, siblings…
  5. Justin does an interview with Oprah or some other news outlet. He discusses how he lost his way, started hanging out with the wrong crowd, was negatively influenced etc. He still mentions all that he has accomplished at his young age and how he worked so hard and was misguided on how to blow off steam and relax. He also conveniently plugs his next project.
  6. Justin debuts new album and accompanying documentary. The album will have a more mature sound and his songs will talk about his past struggles and how he overcame them blah, blah, blah.
  7. The Believers eat it up. Justin goes on tour and becomes bigger than ever.
I really hope that I am wrong and this it all goes down differently but I am too cynical. He should take a few years off and grow up, out of the spotlight. I don’t think his team will allow him to go down the Lindsay Lohan highway but he is certainly taking some of her side roads.